认识情感虐待:面对BPD

我的前男友患有BPD，分手后我一直在努力恢复，再也没有看过我。她所做的事情是如此令人震惊和残忍，一年多过去了，当我开始想到所有的操纵和谎言时，我仍然觉得自己溺水了。就像我和一个陌生人住在一起，我从来没有想过她再也不会和我说话，除了电子邮件，甚至不会再看我一眼。一夜之间，我被贴上了虐待她的标签，一切都变了。我们的过去所有这些对我来说意义重大的事情都变成了丑陋的东西。她把这一切都投射到我身上，我还是太震惊了，不明白发生了什么。我们在一起那么久，只有她和我。我有那么多卡片，礼物，信件，承诺我永远不会变成她那样，可她比以前糟多了。我觉得我在我们相遇之前就被选中了成为她逃避问题的替罪羊和垃圾场。她的母亲是边界线，她声称她的妹妹和父亲是自恋。 Everyone becomes her next horror story to use as an excuse to not face her real issues. I don’t want to think about her anymore. I want to feel normal and not live with panic and ptsd, I can barely get out of bed or leave the house anymore .. I tried for so long but I couldn’t function.. I still wake up crying too often, I’ll feel ok and motivated then thoughts of being so used and manipulated and how malicious and deeply it all hurt broke something inside me. I want to give up and not hurt anymore, there’s so much I want to do and accomplish but now all I feel is the hurt how do you move on when you feel so broken? It’s been so long and I’ve cried almost everyday for 2 years.. I feel so ashamed for how much it still hurts, I know I shouldn’t I was used and setup to be betrayed in the deepest most personal ways, she tried to dump her trauma on me and steal my strength, then even punish me and justify it all by my reaction to her severe emotional abuse. I loved this person like I’ve never thought possible. I believed in her so much I think it tore something I can’t fix to learn I meant nothing to her, it was all twisted ways to get me to open up, she always talked about her past trauma and therapy and she used all that too.. I feel like my inner child was abused, it’s so messed up, transference shouldn’t be real but now I have an eating disorder, ptsd, I’m too depressed and anxious to function or take proper care of myself. Why!?? I didn’t deserve to be ruined and tricked by someone who used to thank me profusely for the strength and happiness I gave her, I said I was the best person thing to ever happen to her for so long. That panicked confusion sitting in my car crying for hours at work everyday, for months it changed me.. her discard ruined my life, cost me my careers, piece of mind, I struggled with depression most of my life. I was finally thriving and liked myself and then met the love of my life, but it was all lies!! From the start, and I never felt closer or more loved… I feel so stupid I know I shouldn’t but there were so many little things that never added up, little did I know she lives multiple lives.. is a different person for everyone.. I wish I didn’t have anyone to disappoint, I never thought I’d have to live like this again and now I feel too hurt and sad to try for me again. I can’t stop crying again or thinking about it and nothing helps. I have to goto funerals and do all these horrible things, I used to support my family now I can barely take care of myself like an adult. They need me so much and I’m useless now.. all I do is try to feel normal and fail anymore. How do you get over the deepest pain of your life, I don’t even think I can live with anymore I don’t know how to make it stop and this isn’t living i don’t know what to do

我在与边缘性疾病作斗争，很严重。我太熟悉儿童忽视和虐待了。但是很难记住这些东西。有些记忆丢失了。但我有一种身体被侵犯的感觉。但我说不出是谁干的。怎么算出来的?

嗨,贝基,
我非常认同你的故事。我从来没有听人说过他们为了应付而撞头，但我这样做了。作为一名儿童性侵受害者，我的性功能障碍是如此之大，以至于作为一个有4个孩子的成年人，我真的会坐着，一遍又一遍地撞我的头，希望能找到一些解脱。有时我认为，我们所有来自虐待家庭的人最主要的需要是找到解脱，即使只是暂时的。我们家的情感虐待是如此严重，以至于如果我们说了一些关于自己的好话，我们就会被告知，“放下你的架子，简女士，或类似的说法，经常因为认为自己在某事上很好而受到惩罚。因此，我们在成长过程中都认为自己毫无价值。艰难的事情。我知道你没有提到性虐待，但我仍然认为修复计划会对你有很大帮助，因为它解决了这个问题。我们的网站(有一个专门的页面用于该程序)是在http://www.thelamplighters.org你可以去看看。亚马逊网站上的售价仅为15美元左右。照顾好自己，祝你康复好运。
玛吉