隐性言语虐待及其延续

我今年56岁，我经历过童年时期的性虐待，从15岁到18岁，我曾离家出走，被贩卖为妓女。在那段时间里，我被殴打、强奸、逮捕。在我的一生中，我从来没有想过自杀，但有三次(从我开始服用阿得拉，现在是利他林)，我那隐藏的自恋丈夫打电话给911，说我有自杀倾向。有一次急救人员来的时候我正在睡觉。10月10日，他打了911，他比我小14岁，250磅，他把我脸朝下摁在外面的地上，警察出现了，把我铐在背后。一个比我年轻壮得多的警察用膝盖抵着我的背，把我按倒在地上40分钟。我有创伤史，当我被按住时，我感到恐慌，我恳求他们让我仰面朝天，我感觉我无法呼吸。他们说“如果你在尖叫，你就在呼吸”。我有心脏起搏器，体重110磅。我喘不过气来，当我试图把胸部抬离地面时，他们猛地把我摔了下去…… two firefighters showed up, I begged them, told them flip me on my back...I'm not a threat to anyone they just chitchatted until the ambulance arrived. On the five minute ride to the hospital they saw my shoulders, my hands were bleedings, I had a fat lip and was scared, and hurting. Six hours earlier I texted my advocate from the organization for prostitution survivors that I need a safe house and foster care for my three little dogs. I tried to tell the police, the EMTs then the hospital staff in the emergency department. Not one person showed me and kindness, no one would even talk to me. I told them I've never been suicidal, and I know my rights, I asked to call my advocate a hundred times. I told them I was scared for my dogs, they ignored me, barked at me, slammed the door in my face and when I put one foot out of the room the "sitter" called a code grey!. They had huge security gloving up ready to restrain me because I disobeyed their orders to "shut up and sit down". The Dr refused to take pictures of my injuries, did not ask any questions, did no assessment, and certainly not treatment. I had to ask for a bandaid. They held me 24 hours based in the lying husband's smear tactics. Even the police report said I was not detained. The " social worker" stood in my doorway after eight hours, again no assessment, no empathy, said that my husband was calling over and over telling them not to let me out so she was referring me to the mental health professional. Now, I have a degree in psychology and spent thirty years working with the mentally ill inpatient, outpatient, crisis response,and emergency crisis triage. I know mental health law, I know how to treat a person with dignity I am skilled in de-escalation and patient centered care. I was appalled at the lack of professionalism and the culture of discrimination and neglect towards the " psychiatric" patients. No one heard me. No one wanted me to speak at all. They were bullies from the cops to the nurses and the medical assistants. I was released by the mhp who sat down and determined that I was reliable, not a danger, and the abuser who tried so hard to have me detained drove me home , as I was putting my key in the door he casually mentioned that my 16 year old Yorkie ran away. 24 hours of being treated like a criminal, a hostage, and punitively ignoring me, I was beat up, and the very thing I was so scared of the entire time had happened. I spent four nights looking for him, two nights staying in the car freezing with my two remaining dogs. I requested my medical records, 128 pages? How does that happen when the only thing they did was retraumatize me more? And they think I am going to allow them to Bill my insurance? I have written several letters. The state said they investigated, found no wrongdoing...really. all my years working I've never imagined treating an abused person so disgracefully. I've had nightmares since, I spent two weeks scared to leave my house. Everytime I see a police car I have anxiety. I changed the locks, called dv advocates, sitting here waiting for his next move. There's no relief, no recourse, and unfortunately , suicide has never been an option!