你爱上施虐者了吗?如果是这样，一定有原因

我和我的前任经历了长达13年的虐待关系，几年前我终于离开了他。从那以后，我开始了一段新的恋情。我的问题是我在精神上真的没有向前看，我觉得我对现在和我在一起的人很不公平。我一直在想虐待我的人，很难过地说我仍然爱着他，但我只对自己说。我很羞愧，我仍然对他有这种感觉，也很尴尬。我真的没有人可以说话，因为当我们在一起的时候，我不允许有朋友或家人在我身边。我们不在一起了，但我仍然像在一起一样生活。不知道如何摆脱这种生活方式。我仍然在等待有人告诉我每天要做什么，当没有人告诉我时，我感到很失落。我去做我想做的事，但我很害怕，好像我要惹上麻烦了。 Afraid to talk to anyone really before if I did I would be beaten and told what happens behind these doors stays behind these doors. How do I break free? I have no family and no friends and I’m afraid if I tell my spouse it will upset him. He’s a good man and deserves better.

我19岁时遇到了虐待我的人，22岁时我嫁给了他，并和他生了两个孩子。我现在27岁了，在所有的谎言和虐待之后，我两天前差点离开他，他把我打得屁滚尿流，因为我选择离开。我不想说谎，我害怕接下来会发生什么，即使是你，我仍然爱着他，关心着他，我知道为了我自己和我的孩子，我必须放手。当他在精神上和身体上虐待我的时候，我总是知道很明显，但我总是对他睁一只眼闭一只眼。我有时会害怕没有他，也会为他没有我而快乐而悲伤，但我会尽可能地向前推进

我讨厌看到我读到的所有关于家庭暴力的文章都假设男人是施暴者。我最终不得不从施虐者身边飞离，在重症监护室住了几个星期。三年过去了，我还在康复中。我永远毁容了，和人见面也会尴尬。对我下手的人很有钱，在社区里人脉很广。家庭暴力的男性受害者没有发言权。如果你在网上寻求帮助，只有讽刺。你在第一段就假定施虐者是男性，这是不可接受的。我差点被一个女人的暴力行为夺去生命，她用金钱、性和操纵把我和我认识的所有人隔离开来。我不知道发生了什么，直到她开始告诉我，我必须忍受她所做的一切，因为她在支付账单。 I worked so hard to try to make myself worthy of what she gave me, and she was always dismissive. When I finally made plans to leave, she held a gun to my face, and said “Is this what you want from me?”
在她扣动扳机后，我受伤流血的脸上对她说的第一句话是“我爱你”。我本希望这么说能让她明白，我只是想成为一个好伴侣。现在我生活中的每一天都在一遍又一遍地重温那一刻。
我是一名战斗老兵。在此之前我从未经历过如此伤害我的事，我满脑子想的都是我是如何毁了她的生活。

我遇到了最迷人迷人的自恋狂。他是完美的。在身体上，他拥有所有的“货物”，他当然可以交付。一天下午，他和他的朋友Jay穿着运动背心，骑着他们的Hyabusa摩托车来到我的工作岗位。像一个女学生一样，我立刻对摩托车感兴趣。我注意到他盯着我看，我们目光接触的强度几乎让我震惊。他基本上就是一头狼，而我就是他的羊。我当时没有意识到，但他很清楚自己在做什么。在交换电话号码和交谈几周后，我们开始约会。就像普通夫妻一样。 We'd go out to dinner and meet up with his friends for things...but time passed about 5 months and I realized I have only met one of his children...I had never been to his place...and he never spoke highly of his mother. I am a working proffessional and was rather busy with my job and raising my own child. But red flags were exposed and I just went color blind. I started to investigate him online. Its amazing what you can do with this social media these days. Anyway come to pass that he is actually a married man. Not a separated one who had a WIFE that left him and went to live with her mother , it wasn't hard to put his wife's name through face book. I see this picture pop up on the screen of this guy who tells me he loved me and, get ready for the "cliche" We Are Soul Mates ,and was confused and hurt and very very Angry. I wanted him caught. Busted. I bet you are thinking would I Send information to his wife via social media, yep sure did. But to my surprise nothing happened. I never told him I did it...he didn't even get caught? So now I knew he was still married, I knew I was lied to, I knew he never got busted or I would've been called out, I had real true feelings for him, and I knew they were all wrong. I was being played. I was the other woman. Holy s***! So I decided he could just go on be married. I didn't want to keep being a mistress. And that's when the on again off again push and pull really began. He would get enough control over me to secure a key to my home. He had free reign. He was after all my soulmate? He became possessive, he began to say things like "b**** if you ever try to leave me, I'll f****** kill you." Breaking up with him over and over, changing my job, changing phone numbers depressingly often. He always came back. Usually no longer than a week. He would show up at my job with *** or whoever he wanted to. And I had to be proffessional and smile. He had me emotionally and mentally trapped. When it began to get physical, well let's just say a few busted lips and black eyes later, you know from my good old soul mate, I began to realize the depths of which I had fallen. He doesn't love me. Love doesn't feel like that. He doesn't love anyone. He can't. The final straw, he strangled me in front of my 16 year old daughter. He decided to enter my place one morning and he forgot my kid was out of school for summer vacay. We start arguing about our relationship or lack thereof and I knew he had other girlfriends besides me so I was trying to end it once and for all...that's when all the love in the world couldn't have saved me from what his hands would do. On the ground struggling for my life, in and out of consciousness trying to pry this 6'3 220 lb man built of pure muscle off of my body was an impossible feat. Then my hero, the child who is afraid of her own shadow, comes out to the living room to see what the commotion is...well she sees this wildabeast on her mother suffocating her and she jumps on his back. She gave me enough time and distraction to get away out from under him. And that was heartbreaking. To know that if my child would have had 1 more day of school, if she wouldn't have been home that particular morning of June...I would not be here. The police were called this time. All of the other abuse was just leading up to this...I went to court several times, my daughter took the stand as a witness, he was found guilty, serving 150 days in the county jail as I type this. I actually feel sorry for his real family. His other girlfriend did in fact make contact with me via social media, they have a daughter that he has never told his wife about, and he's never paid child support for, she decided to contact his entire family and his in laws, they all know what's happened. So this story is really about being abused and getting to be free from abuse. People will only do to you what you allow them to do. I never wanted to fall in love with a narcissistic abusive sociopath. No one does. But you must love yourself enough to know what you will not accept. God bless you. Good luck.

刚刚谷歌了一下…感觉和读过的一样
之前回复。看起来很女性化。男人也会经历这些。无论是身体上的还是情感上的，但这似乎都是因为男人从一开始就很坏。这不是. .双方都需要帮助。甚至更多的人，因为它可以被视为如此星期。家庭用途是双向的。

我和我的未婚夫在一起已经快4年了，现在我们有一个一岁的小女儿。过去3年他一直打我，但我似乎无法离开。我非常爱他，我无法想象和其他人在一起的样子，但我害怕他会杀了我或杀死小女孩。我不知道该做什么每次他出现我带他回去不管我多么知道我不应该我只是似乎不能说不，因为我太爱他了。

我希望我能离开我丈夫。我才24岁从18岁起就和他在一起了。

我离开了虐待我的人，但我一直在回忆那些美好的时光和被虐待的时光。我感到从“爱的轰炸”中抽身，不断的奖励和惩罚，没有理由，除了他编造的理由生气。他有精神疾病，所以我试着帮助他，理解他。但我在帮忙的时候被打了一顿。随着时间的推移，我被洗脑，相信“因为惹他生气”，我就应该受到严厉的对待和攻击。但我内心深处知道，他生气的这些事情不是我的错。我会被设计失败这样他就有理由骂我了。他试图使我与朋友和家人疏远。即使有人生你的气，也没有理由被骂、被说、被身体虐待。他试图让我相信我在虐待他，并对他进行煤气灯攻击，因为当我们订婚并同居时，当他使用约会网站时，我会感到不安。 Also I would not go along with his tactic to make everyone hate my mother on Thanksgiving. When I look back on all the things he tried to make me believe were wrong for me to get upset about I get very angry. I was being treated horrible and it made me feel like I’m not worthy of love. But he tried to make me believe that how he treated me was normal and that there’s something wrong with me. If I feel betrayed alienated manipulated and abused by my fiancé then there isn’t something wrong with me.

你好，珍，我对你所经历的一切和你现在的感受感到很抱歉。我鼓励你联系我们页面上的一个生命线号码，帮助你更深入地了解正在发生的事情://www.lharmeroult.com/suicide/suicide-hotline-phone-numbers/同时，我也鼓励大家看看我们关于家庭暴力的资源://www.lharmeroult.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer..。你丈夫在心理上虐待你。家庭暴力资源中心可以帮助你找出离开这段关系所需要采取的步骤。你不需要独自承受这些。有很多人和组织可以帮助你。谢谢你们有勇气伸出援手。请多保重。克里斯汀

我丈夫跟踪我好几年了，我屈服了，嫁给了他，因为我是个白痴，(软弱)。他总是说我有自杀倾向，尽管我没有。我想他是想让我沮丧，因为这是有效的。我试图离开，这真的很难，他比我好看，欺负，更强，所以我需要切断他没有联系，我害怕我不能得到我的东西。我可能得申请限制令，因为这只猫很可怕，会激发出我最坏的一面，反之亦然。如果他是对的，我就该自杀，反正没人爱我。

我和施虐者分分合合5年了。最近，大约一个月前，我带着我和我的孩子们离开了这种情况。他威胁要杀了我，威胁要夺走我的孩子，说我一文不值，还有其他一些侮辱性的名字，他推我，打我。我承认我一直对自己，对爱自己没有安全感。而他让事情变得更糟，现在我彻底崩溃了。他还是能打动我，但我还是在乎他，我还是爱他。但我不得不离开，因为我的大女儿会对我或我的父母说一些事情，说他很可怕之类的。我永远不会忘记那个婴儿从我怀里抱她时的样子，他大喊大叫时的样子。我为了我的孩子离开了。但我不敢怀疑自己。 What if I communicated better? He thought I lied all the time. I did withhold the truth at times just to keep the peace. I still feel guilty for some reason. He said he gets angry because I'm a liar. I never did it maliciously. I did it bc I didn't want him to be mad at me....whether it was me taking the blame bc my daughter broke something. Or me lying about visiting friends. My friends tried to like him, and I did tell my best friends about things going on, bc I couldn't talk to him about it. If I did he would leave me feeling stupid, or get mad, or just leave me feeling invalidated. He knows how to get to me. Knows how to hurt me. How do I stop second guessing myself? How do I get rid of the feelings I have for him....even if he did make me feel so miserable at times? How at 30 years old do I began to love myself, to not feel numb, to pick up the pieces? I just want to be ok again.

我15岁的时候，我的老师开始用一种好玩的方式抚摸我的身体。没有摩擦什么的。有一次我答不出一道数学题，他对我很粗鲁，当我快要哭出来的时候，他突然拥抱了我。我去洗脸，从浴室出来，发现他在等我。然后他开始拥抱我，把我扔起来。这很奇怪，我就离开了。几个月后，我又回到了他身边，因为他很有魅力。他对我做的那些身体上的动作感觉一点都不对。我从来没有被他吸引过。他说他拥有的东西很特别，我相信了他。 We were together for many years. A year ago I broke up with him. He never tried to hurt me physically or anything. He didn’t have sex with me that much. He always seemed to mystic. He was the intellectual type which drew me towards him in the first place. I just wanted to learn from him. I didn’t want him to touch me. This is still so mind boggling to me. Explain please somebody.

事实上，女孩们更倾向于操纵和毁掉她们认为软弱的男人。我经历了一段严重的虐待关系。她给我发毒品的照片，就像她要吸毒过量一样，想从我这里得到回应。一个会记分、操纵别人、让你在别人面前丢脸、把你当笑话看、毫无尊重的女孩是你需要远离的人。来自女性的虐待被低估了，这篇文章需要让双方都能听到。

我也有同样的问题。我女朋友用这些前男友用我曾经分享过的一切来对付我。她在手机里保存了一份消极攻击的清单，上面写着我惹她生气的事情。她记分，把所有情况都怪到我头上。我所有的男性朋友都离开了我，因为他们认为我很软弱。这很糟糕，当你和一个虐待你的人在一起时，快跑!!

你们这些作家总是假设施虐者是个男的。我是个被女朋友虐待的男人。修改你的文章，让它适用于每个人。

我的情况没那么糟了，但还是会发生。有时我很安全，可以和他分享我的挣扎，有时我不安全。安全是指我觉得我可以说任何事情，而不会变成他对我的扭曲，变得消极攻击，对我或我的孩子表现出来，而不是在心理上困扰我，诸如此类的事情。他并没有虐待我，但他会攻击我，伤害我。总之，在我有机会再次和他谈论我为什么是现在这个样子之后。他基本上说他所做的都不够好，问我想从他那里得到什么?在这之后，我真的试图接近他。现在我明白为什么了。